“Hi, I’m Amy and I have been a hot mess this week. You see when school got out, most of my time and energy went into preparing for Adam’s graduation open house. It wasn’t at my house and so prepping meant letting my already messy, crazy, dirty, gross house get even more messy, crazy, dirty and gross. About a week ago I kicked it into high gear and started to attempt to get my house back into order. I must say, it hasn’t been successful. The day after the open house I helped clean from the open house and then Monday came and we had to deal with Jack David’s surgery. His surgery went great but his recovery started as a huge struggle. We ended up with an unplanned overnight hospital stay. My normal happy go lucky, humours, make you laugh until you cry child had turned into my daughter! I love my daughter but she herself is a hot mess full of emotions. Oh my goodness I just can’t wait for the teen years with her.
After we got home Jack David wasn’t into popsicles, jello, pudding, water, juice, noodles, or anything really. It was a struggle to get him to drink his water to try and keep his throat and incision moist to help heal quicker. I have made him, since Tuesday take his whole food nutrition chews though. We take about one each hour he is awake. It is really the only thing that is giving him nutrition at that point. He was not a fan of it because chewing hurt but he did it because he knew how important it was. He also knew I would not take no for an answer.
I wish I could say that Tuesday started these long drawn out sleepless nights but it was more like last week. I didn’t get much sleep at the hospital and I feel as if I am walking around in a fog since getting back home. His lack of eating and drinking is also causing him to have stomach spasms when he sleeps. It wouldn’t be so bad for him, if they didn’t wake him up. Last night, I climbed into bed at midnight I was so proud of myself for getting to bed so early! Then as I was just falling asleep and allowing my body to actually relax, he woke up screaming. It was only 12:15 AM.
Jack had to go into work early today so he was going to have to be up by 3 AM. What options did that leave the two of us other than to leave my bed, my comfy, warm, snuggly, sink into it and never be able to get back up bed. So we camped out in the living room until Jack got up and left for work. I had finally fallen asleep, in my chair around 2:56 AM. I moved back to my bed, in a daze after the front door closed. I wanted to soak in each and every millisecond of sleep I could get. 6 AM was going to come quickly.
This has been how my week has been. So where have I been that hot mess? Every day, all day I have been a hot mess this week. It is no joke either. I am lacking in sleep. I am lacking in patiences because of the lack of sleep. That isn’t a good thing when you have a patient and you need patiences to make them do what they need to do, with out snapping like a dried out twig that has been lite on fire!
I have been blessed enough to find out that, if you drink at least half your body weight in water; ounces that is, and then add some for fluid release there is no way to become dehydrated from crying. That is what I have done most of this week, cry. The rest of the time it has felt like I just yell, beg, plead, and not want to be touched, talked to or anything that would take away from my crabbiness. I have had to make really hard choices and also cancel things I said I would not cancel. We have hit the wall though and after two days of anger, sadness, anxiety and feeling like a failure I reached out and cancelled the one thing I have been looking forward to since January/February. Although February was much of a blur so, I guess I should say it was more like March.
So with this being the last week of the month, it is budget week. Today is the last day of the month. This next month, we have a lot of drastic financial issues that will need to be addressed. It isn’t like we haven’t been aware of this month coming. We took drastic measures back in 2015 to make sure there wasn’t anything drastic that would need to be done when the month got here. Still here we are making more drastic cuts, financial changes and having to figure out a budget with a brain that isn’t even functioning on 5%. I can say with 100% certainty that I failed and have to sit down tomorrow to make the budget work.
That is really where I have been exceling at being a hot mess. But I pulled my crap together as best as I could and I have been moving forward doing what needs to be done as best as I can. I have done training with a team member. I have reached out where I needed to for our business. I have made the cancellations I needed to. I have scheduled training calls. I have also reached out to certain people so that I didn’t miss them.
That brings us to today though and Fridays has become one of my favorite days of the week. I am one of the leaders for Friday night youth group at our church. It isn’t a typical youth group but I wouldn’t want it any other way. We had a rough start, we have had kids come and go but in the end I now have a piece of each one of these kids in my heart.
We went outside and did a bonfire tonight. We did our whole evening out around the fire. We talked, we related, we did our study and most of all, we bonded. Do you know what I love most about this group? They are starting to be real and open and honest. We all make bad choices, we all make good choices and I am honest with them about that. I have made many mistakes in my lifetime. I am 42 years old and just really embracing and accepting who I am and who I was created to be.
I never expected when I felt the pull to step up for this group that it would change who I am. I never expected me to fall in love with these kiddos. I have no idea where this is going but I am going to embrace and love every moment I have with them.
I have had to ask for a lot of forgiveness this week. I have had to eat my attitude and say sorry. I have had to give more hugs than normal; which I didn’t think was possible. I have had to give myself time outs. I have had to force myself to smile and look for the positive.
Hi, I’m Amy and this week I have been a hot mess who has cried, yelled, prayed, didn’t sleep, continued to work, and got to enjoy some special time with kiddos who make me smile.”
I do not know what your week has been like but I do know that each day starts fresh. You may fall each and every day. You may fall each and every millisecond but what are you doing to do about that fall? Are you going to stay down and wallow in your misery or are you going to keep on getting up and trying again and again and again?
I personally am choosing to get back up. I have had a hot mess week but I am really trying to embrace it and just keep going.