I have done a lot of thinking today. I was on my way in the car and I heard over the radio someone talking about how if you are willing to die for your spouse, you should be willing to let something in your marriage die. Just think about that for a moment.
Have you ever been watching a movie where the main character dies for someone else and then you say to your spouse (or vice verse), “Would you die for me?” I can say I would like to think I would but I am not totally sure. In the moment, without thinking, yes I would probably try to spare the life of my spouse.
Do you have troubled areas in your marriage? Of course you do, everyone does. So why is it a troubled area for you and your spouse? Does it go against your beliefs? Is it something new that has come out that you don’t approve of? Is it something old you had hoped would change? Are you having non-stop fights about it? Or have you given up fighting about it and just give in?
Now go back to the fact that you would die for your spouse and your spouse would die for you. Why are you fighting over this? Is it something that you can compromise on? Are you the one with the problem and maybe just maybe in order for your marriage to survive you need to let this one thing die for your marriage!
If you are willing to die for your spouse. If you are willing to give your life so your spouse can live their life, why wouldn’t you be willing to let something vacate your life for the sake of your marriage? Maybe it is something you can live with but do not enjoy, but it isn’t compromising your values. Should you consider a compromise there?
I had never stopped to think about marriage issues in this way before. Does it compromise my values? Does it truly harm the marriage or am I doing more harm by fighting over it all the time? Why do I feel I need to change my spouse instead of handing my spouse over to God? If I was given a choice of my marriage or whatever was causing the issue I would choose my marriage!
With that being the case, why would I continue to fight and build a wall? Maybe it isn’t me who has the issue that needs to die in our marriage. Maybe it is my spouse, how do I go about dealing with that? As I have said many times over the recent months, go to prayer. Another thing would be to seek out therapy for yourself. While it would be awesome to just say to your spouse, “Well you would die for me so why can’t (fill in the blank) die for you to save our marriage.” Typically if you would say that to your spouse who has the problem they are facing, it is just cutting them down more.
We are not placed here to fix our spouses, we are placed here to support them, to love them and to help them. It really does depend upon how your marriage is. Do you communicate well but just butt heads about certain things? Do you have very little communication and every time you open your mouth it turns into a fight? When you are dealing with some kind of addiction (addcitions can be ANYTHING), especially if the don’t see it, asking them to give it up will likely result in an argument and fight. Praying, getting help for yourself, and learning proper steps to deal with things is your best option.
One thing I learned from my first marriage was crazy people attact craziness. I was not stable mentally and was drawn into someone who had their own mental stability issues. It was not a good combination. Our home was always in a World War. The only time we really got along was when we had other people around. We were just not a good combination.
Your relationship does not have to start out with emotionally unhealthy people in it either. You can start out with a fabulous relationship. You can start out with wonderful communication, laughter and love. Then if something goes wrong and it isn’t dealt with, one of the people can become emotionally unhealthy. That also can create its own issues. It can attract others who are emotionally unhealthy but it can also draw the stable spouse into the emotionally unhealthy zone as well (which goes back to get yourself a therapist).
You can have a marriage that is great. You can have a life that you love. You can have communication. You can have laughter. You can make it until you are old and wrinkly and adorable together. What do you need to do if something is currently standing in the way in your marriage? Would you die for your spouse? If so, what in your marriage can you have die so that things get better? If there isn’t anything you can personally do, have you given it to God?
We were given a gift when we met our partner in life. It takes work, from both people to make a marriage work though. You have to be willing to put your spouse before everything in your life, but your relationship with God. Are you building your relationship with God and are you putting your partner first?
Where are you at in your relationship? Would you physically die for your spouse? If so, are you fighting about something that maybe just maybe you should be letting die in your marriage to strengthen it?
Have you ever heard of Jimmy Evans? When my first marriage was floundering and I was looking for help, he came to our town. I bought ever CD and book I could from him! If you have not heard about him before I highly suggest if your marriage is struggling to check him out (clicking on any of the links above will take you to different books for marriage)!
I would love to hear from you and where you are at!