I’m Miserable and I’m Whining

I have a confession to make. I have been misearable for almost a month now. I had my surgery on January 30th and a second one to hep fix the pain on February 6th. Stents were put in both ureters and I have been miserable since that time.

I am not a person who likes meds. It isn’t because I don’t believe in them, it is because they don’t like me! I do not have very good reactions to medications. Doesn’t really seem to matter what it is made for, I am prone to the rare side effects that are listed. Pain medications, antibiotics, relaxer medications, antidepressants and the list goes on.

About a week ago I finally broke down and made my husband go get the medications I was given at the hospital. Thankfully we were able to find the scripts (serious praise to God there). He went and got them filled and I have been living on them since that time. I have also been living with dry mouth, exhaustion, dizziness and just a general out of it feeling.

I have been using our essential oils since the first surgery. Young Living essential oils typically help relax my body so that the discomfort isn’t so bad. At least it usually isn’t that bad. It has not been touched by my usual helpers. That is one of the biggest reasons I broke down and had Jack go get the medications. 

I also have my extreme discomfort relief bombs that I use. Usually when I use the relief bomb or the extra relief bomb, I am fine. Takes care of what little aches and discomforts are left. I have been through four surgeries since our family started using Young Living. With those four surgeries I only used a couple pain meds that were prescribed and then I was strictly using the essential oils. 

Right now I feel like I am just one big broken mess. I have spasms in the kidney area. I have spasms in the bladder area. It wraps around from my back to the bladder and earlier this week it started to have pain in the groin area. It does not matter if I am sitting, standing, moving, laying, or staying still. It isn’t fun. 

I am really thankful that my husband has been very understanding. He has been very helpful. He has stepped up and is doing a great job. He is always a help around here but with me being in as much discomfort and pain as I have been, he pays attention and when he sees I have had enough, he completely takes over. He makes sure I have the meds I need, that I have taken my Juice Plus and he pushes me over to the bedroom to try and get some relief. 

My next surgery is on Monday, the 27th. I am praying that this will be the end of all the crazy things that are going on. The craziest thing to me is that I had zero issues with my kidney or bladder prior to this surgery. I went to the doctor because I had blood in my urine. 

That started a barrage of tests that led to them seeing a cyst and kidney stones. Since I am on a blood thinner that meant the best option was to remove them from one kidney at a time. We started with the left kidney and it has been crazy since that surgery. The pain that is uncontrollable 54% of each day. I was told that the bleeding would stop once all of the garbage was out of my kidneys, I still have a lot of blood in my urine all day, every day. I haven’t bothered calling about that anymore because each time I have in the past, it is blown off as nothing.

I know that there are people who are dealing with things much worse. I know that this is only temporary for me. I know that the road I am currently on is going to come to an end and soon. I am just worn from it.

I had finally gotten into a good routine. I had my days planned and it was going well. There was time for everything from Bible study, work, cleaning and even relaxing and relationship building time. Now my days are not like that, at all. I struggle to get going each day. I struggle to even want to get dressed each day. The meds make me tired. I make myself get up to go to Bible study and church. It isn’t that I don’t want to be there, it is the steps, the moving, the discomfort it takes to get there. 

God is good. I am blessed. I am just miserable and counting down the days to when I can go back to being the me I like. I am sure I am not the only one counting down, I am pretty certain my family has a hidden calendar counting down the days as well.

I am miserable and I am whining. However I am so blessed by those who are in my life who have been putting up with my miserable self! Here is just one more huge blessing. Even with everything going on, because I am a work at home parent and because we have built up the business to the point of residual income, we still got a paycheck. Not only did we get a paycheck, we got a bonus! 

Thanking the good Lord for all He has done, and continues to do, even when I choose to whine and moan and grown. 

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