For a long while now when I do my Bible study in the morning four images come to mind often along with four words.
Light (Sun), Faith (Cross), Love (Heart), Hope (Bird)
Today has been a really rough day. It seems that when you ask God for something He is all for delivering and quickly. At least when it comes to growth and trust in Him.
For about three years I have been asking for something in regards to my marriage. I have been asking for a more unified marriage in certain aspects. Of course I wasn’t really coming out and saying exactly what I wanted, I was hinting at it. Then about three months ago I got a little bit closer to saying exactly what I wanted. This past two weeks I have been saying what I wanted but using round about words. Then this week I broke down and spit it all out. I told God exactly what I wanted for my marriage.
Yesterday after my husband went to vote, our car died. It has happened before. It is this fault we have found in our vehicle. Looking online others have the same issue. So he waited about ten minutes and then called me to come and get him.
He went back there after a while to try and start it again. It still would not start. I ended up going and trying to start it. It would not start but I just had this gut feeling and started to look through things. Yes my first angry moment took hold of me. I am not a fan of being angry. I am not sure if anyone is really happy being angry but it is an emotion that is hard for me.
In therapy you learn anger is typically a secondary emotion. You usually feel something else but jump past it so fast that you miss the first emotional. Then comes the struggle of trying to figure out what you are really feeling. What is really going on that you are angry about? What did you jump over? It isn’t my favorite thing to do. I would much rather stay angry but now that I know it isn’t all you are dealing with and feeling I have to take the time to work through it.
So I did, sort of work through it. I made a snarky comment last night, stewed, went to bed early, avoided listening to all the commentary on the election, and prayed to God to give me the words and time to speak with him about what I was actually feeling.
Of course God did that for me. He did that for me by allowing the car to break down and by allowing me to find his bottle (just to clear this up here, he chews, was supposed to give it up, has not been forthcoming about it, we all have issues and sins so I get it). Then He helped out by making sure that a friend of the family was borrowing the vehicle he would normally borrow. So that left me having to get up extra early this morning to drive my love to work if I wanted to go to Wednesday morning women’s Bible study. Of course I did and not only did I want to go, I needed to go.
I did speak to him on the way. I expressed how I felt about it and I got zero response. At least it wasn’t the response I wanted or hoped for. I know I can tell him how I am feeling and what I am thinking but can’t expect him to respond how I want him to. So again I stewed on it most of the day. After picking him up from work, after my adorable niece left to go home, he said, “Do you need anything?” and I said, “How about a response about what we talked about this morning?” and then it all went downhill from there.
Why you ask? Because I decided instead of turning to Jesus for my answer and being still and waiting for the next step I jumped ahead of the point we were at. I actually felt like I needed to just wait and I didn’t. Of course then the next thing happened. We got news of the car – blown engine.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.
1 Peter 5:7
God has been giving me the images for a long time now. He is My Light, My Faith, My Love, My Hope.
I do plan on getting this as a tattoo. It has been planned for a while now. Tonight while in Bible study Jessie asked me for my joy (she is an amazing friend like that). I sent her this written image on iMessage and she drew it out for me to remember and focus on. He has blessed me with so many amazing things in my life. My family, my friends, my church family, Bible study, CHURCH, my children, and even my husband.
God can give and God can take away. Everything we have is because of Him. Everything we need is provided by Him. Jesus is my everything.
I don’t recall where I heard this but at some point in recent times I heard something like, “What if we have these wants, wishes, prayers that we just haven’t come out and asked Jesus for? What if all that is holding our growth and change back is that we haven’t come out and said the words?” So I am starting to say the words. I am not dodging it anymore. I am not skirting around what I am thinking anymore. I am just saying it.
He already knows what I am thinking, what I want to say, what I am feeling and what I want to have happen anyway. So why wait any longer? Why not just say it? Or in my case why not just write it down? What was I so afraid was going to happen if I said what I wanted?
I kind of said something along those lines this morning. I may regret what I am asking for because it could bring on a hardship. Then these is the opposite of that it could bring me to a great joy! It is probably more of a combination of the two. It will take me through a hardship with joy on the other side.
Just because I am a Christian does not mean I don’t have hard times. It doesn’t mean life is easier for me. It doesn’t mean any of that. It just means I have Jesus by my side walking with me through it all. It just means that Jesus was here on earth and knows exactly what I am feeling and going through. For that I will be forever grateful!
Do you have something Jesus keeps on bringing up to you? Words? Images? Nature? Anything? What is He trying to bring you to?
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