I know not everyone believes in God. I know this because we live in a fallen world. There is evil in the world. There is heartache. I have a child who used to believe and doesn’t anymore. I have a child who believed, didn’t believe and now believes again. I grew up Catholic, never really stopped believe but stopped practicing and then went back and never looked back.
It is okay if you don’t believe. I do not judge you. I love you. I choose to pray for you. I choose to pray that the Holy Spirit move you. It is my choice, just like may be your choice not to believe.
This week though for someone who believes is big. It is bigger than big; it is enormous. This is the week we celebrate Jesus fulfilling the Old Testament prophecies. This is the week Jesus is put to death. This is the week that His blood fulfilled God’s wrath for us. This is the week that He choose to love me over punishment for my sins.
Here comes a honest moment: I have read it. I have thought about it, somewhat. I have never seen TV shows, plays, productions, movies that portray His persecution and death. I have never been able bring myself to do that.
I am not really sure why. I know it is gruesome. It is the most painful and horrific way to die. I am sensitive. I do cry at many things. I don’t like movies where people die, it makes me sad, it makes life real. So maybe I do know why…
Maybe if I were to watch something like that, the reality of what One person did for not only me but the whole world, to save us from our own self. For One person to have so much love to suffer because of what He knew I would choose to do in this lifetime. For One person to believe I was worth saving, worth loving, worth dying for.
Tomorrow night starts the Easter production our church is doing. Our daughter is in it and for the first time, I actually bought tickets for my husband and I to go.
I am not completely certain of why I have avoided it all these years. There are many reasons but in my heart maybe it has simply been: I didn’t want to really truly face what HE did for ME. Maybe there is some old stink in me that I haven’t wanted to let go of and so I have really avoided what HE did for ME. Maybe it has been easier to blow up at my children, my husband, or give up on things I know I should not or do things I know I should not because I haven’t faced the truth of what HE did for ME.
No matter, I have felt like this is the year to rip that bandaid off. To face what I have been avoiding. To open my heart and mind fully and embrace what HE did for ME so that WE can have a much closer and fuller relationship.
If you pray I would appreciate prayers tomorrow evening (6-8 PM EST). That this deepens the relationship we have been enjoying and makes it so much more.
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